her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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