It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
