i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
