Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
