Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Someone came in the potted fern
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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