If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
where does the pee come out of this thing
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
