Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
