you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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