dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
it hurts more in the daytime
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
