I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
