Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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