people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
