Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
