Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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