so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
