Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
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