dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
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