The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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