just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Randomize
