He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
dude. I can hear the air.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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