apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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