I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
