i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
