Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
