Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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