My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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