biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
