Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My balls are so social today.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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