I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
