Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
