Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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