Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
