why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
