I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
