Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
