Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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