i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
pop tarts are not kleenex
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
