i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
