i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
