so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
