ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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