I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
