I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
