I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
