I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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