My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
