Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
why do cheetos always look like penises
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
