there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
