My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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