you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
