You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
