You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
